I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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