I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
