Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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