Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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