I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
