I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
