So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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