I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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