Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
