i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
