dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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