You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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