PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
