You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
