Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
