you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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