He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
time to smoke my breakfast
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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