Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
