You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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