i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He shit in the fireplace
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
