i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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