i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
