Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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