i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
