You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
