WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i came on her dog
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
