oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
