Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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