yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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