I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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