Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
