plz talk dirty to me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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