I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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