i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
