If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
