What did we do last night that was yellow?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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