I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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