it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
