2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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