She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
