Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
