yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
