I can tuck mytits in my pants
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
