I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
