Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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