I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
