alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
