so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
