I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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