I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
