Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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