There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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