umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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