i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
