Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
