he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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